This Little Piggy Bid at Home
I recently entered the NYC Midnight Flash Fiction Challenge 2018. Entrants are given 48 hours to write 1,000 words, on a given genre, setting and artefact. I was allocated:
Genre: Fairy Tale
Artefact: Measuring Cup
The competition is a fantastic way to practice writing under deadlines. The random nature of genre, setting and artefact forces you to think outside the box when composing and editing your story. NYC Midnight also run short story (2,000 words) and Screenplay writing competitions. Entries are scored and placed into a knock-out style contest, promoting the highest scoring authors into the next round until a winner is announced.
‘This Little Piggy Bid at Home’ was placed third in its group by the judges. I’ve just submitted my next story, and if that scores well then I’ll be entered into the next round. I’ll post the next story in a few weeks’ time. For now, I hope you enjoy ‘This Little Piggy Bid at Home’.
Synopsis: Piggy Wiggy does not want to get eaten by the Big Bad Wolf, so decides it is much safer to stay at home and use the Hoo-o-o-o-ebay online auction website to replace his mother’s broken measuring cup. Perhaps, however, Piggy Wiggy should check the seller’s reputation before making such a rasher bid.
This Little Piggy Bid at Home
‘Oh bobbins,’ cried Mrs Wiggy.
Shards of her blue ceramic measuring cup lay in smithereens on the floor. ‘That was my best cup. Now I won’t be able to measure the ingredients for Mr Wiggy’s birthday cake.’
She called to her son.
‘Piggy Wiggy, Piggy Wiggy, please will you go to the market and buy me a new measuring cup?’
Piggy Wiggy groaned. He much preferred being at home; he was having too much fun playing Porknite on his computer. Besides, if he left the house, the Big Bad Wolf would most certainly find him and gobble him up.
‘I will get you a measuring cup before the day is done, Mama,’ Piggy Wiggy called. But he wondered how he could get his Mama a new cup while staying inside and avoiding the wolf.
Piggy Wiggy had an idea. He logged on to Hoo-o-o-o-ebay, his favourite online auction website, and searched for ‘measuring cup’. What luck! There was a blue ceramic measuring cup, just like his Mama’s in the final stages of auction. If Piggy Wiggy won the bid, perhaps he could arrange for delivery that day. His mother would get her cup, and more importantly, he could wallow indoors and keep clear of the wolf.
Before Piggy Wiggy made his bid, he sent a message to the seller, WABBW, whose avatar was a picture of a beautiful princess.
A ping announced a message from Hoo-o-o-o-ebay. It was from WABBW, and it read, ‘Hi HamsomePrince. Of course, if you are the winner, I will personally deliver the measuring cup for no extra charge. Good luck x.’
Piggy Wiggy squealed with delight. Perhaps when the beautiful princess delivered the cup, she would fall in love with him. Together, they would be married, have lots of baby Piggy Wiggies and live happily ever after.
A bid of 5 silver coins made Piggy Wiggy the leading bidder. This was much better than going to the market, getting all dusty and tired, and possibly being eaten by the wolf. What a clever Piggy Wiggy he was.
Mrs Wiggy came into Piggy Wiggy’s room.
‘Oh, Piggy Wiggy, why aren’t you at the market buying me a measuring cup? Your father will be very upset if he doesn’t get a cake for his birthday supper.’
‘Do not worry, Mama,’ Piggy Wiggy replied. ‘You will receive your measuring cup very soon and be so proud of your clever son.’
Mrs Wiggy looked doubtful, but she trusted her son. After all, he had made their wonderful brick house, and now there was no chance the Big Bad Wolf would ever break in and eat them all up.
When Mrs Wiggy left, Piggy Wiggy logged back into Hoo-o-o-o-ebay. With dismay, Piggy Wiggy saw he’d been outbid on the cup by LRRH. This was terrible news. If he didn’t win the auction, his mother wouldn’t receive her cup, his father would not have his birthday cake, and worse, he would not meet the beautiful princess, fall in love and live happily ever after.
Piggy Wiggy made a second bid of 20 silver coins. This was far more than the blue ceramic measuring cup was worth, but he felt weary and didn’t want to go to the market in case the wolf was waiting to gobble him up. Fortunately, Piggy Wiggy’s second bid was accepted. All the excitement made Piggy Wiggy sleepy, so he decided to take a nap.
When Piggy Wiggy woke, he checked Hoo-o-o-o-ebay and to his horror, saw the bid price was now 50 silver coins. Now it was too late to go to the market, even if he took an Uboar taxi. Only a few minutes remained on the auction, so Piggy Wiggy made a third and final bid of 100 silver coins. It would be worth it in the end, Piggy Wiggy thought, when he married the beautiful princess and lived in her grand castle with all their baby Piggy Wiggies.
Piggy Wiggy watched as the auction clock counted down to zero. At the last moment, LRRH tried to outbid him with a price of 99 silver coins, but the Hoo-o-o-o-ebay auction ended and Piggy Wiggy received a message explaining he was now the owner of a blue ceramic measuring cup. The message said the seller, WABBW, would be in contact and to check his HAM folder in case the message was sent to his junk mail.
Moments later, WABBW sent Piggy Wiggy a message. It congratulated him on his Hoo-o-o-o-ebay win and requested his address, so the cup could be delivered in person, as promised. Piggy Wiggy jigged with joy and prepared himself to meet the beautiful princess by taking a luxurious mud bath.
‘Oh, Mama, you will be so proud of your son,’ announced Piggy Wiggy, walking into the kitchen. ‘I did not need to attend the market; I used the Hoo-o-o-o-ebay online auction website, and your measuring cup will be delivered any moment. What’s more, I shall soon be married to a beautiful princess, and you shall have lots of Piggy Wiggy grandchildren to bake cakes and pastries for.’
Mrs Wiggy clasped her hands together with glee. How lucky she was to have such a clever son. Not like her other two children who built their houses with mud and sticks and were gobbled up by the Big Bad Wolf.
By and by, there sounded a knock. Piggy Wiggy lept up and flung open the door. The beautiful princess didn’t look quite as beautiful in real life. She was very hairy, had two pointy ears and a long tail.
Mr Wiggy returned home from a long day in the sty. The chimney was smoking. His mouth watered in anticipation of his birthday cake. However, instead of his wife and son waiting to greet him; upon opening the door, Mr Wiggy found the Big Bad Wolf at his dinner table.
‘You swine!’ Mr Wiggy yelled. From a blue ceramic measuring cup, the wolf poured applesauce over a plate of steaming hot chops.